Most men were never taught how to ask for help—they were taught to handle things alone. Here's why that's hard to unlearn, and why it matters.

Why Men Struggle to Ask for Help

You've probably noticed the pattern: you'll push through pain, exhaustion, or emotional distress long past the point where it makes sense. You'll research solutions online, try to fix things yourself, or simply wait and hope the problem resolves on its own.

Asking for help—especially with something as personal as mental health—feels like a last resort. Or maybe it doesn't feel like an option at all.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. And there are reasons why this pattern is so common among men.

The Messages We Absorbed

From an early age, most men receive consistent messages about what it means to be strong:

Handle your problems yourself

Don't burden others with your struggles

Showing vulnerability is weakness

Real men figure it out

These messages came from everywhere—parents, peers, media, coaches, workplaces. They weren't delivered as formal lessons; they were absorbed through thousands of small moments. A father who never discussed his feelings. Getting mocked for crying. Being praised for toughness while emotional expression was ignored or punished.

Over time, these messages became internal. The voice telling you not to ask for help isn't external anymore—it's your own.

The Cost of Self-Reliance

There's nothing wrong with being capable and resourceful. These are genuine strengths. The problem is when self-reliance becomes absolute—when asking for help feels impossible regardless of the situation.

This leads to:

Delayed action. Problems that could be addressed early grow into crises. What might have been manageable becomes overwhelming.

Isolation. Carrying everything alone creates distance from the people around you. They can't support what they don't know about.

Compounding stress. Without relief or support, stress accumulates. Your capacity shrinks while demands stay the same or increase.

Health consequences. Men are significantly less likely to seek help for both physical and mental health issues. This shows up in outcomes—higher rates of suicide, substance abuse, and chronic health problems.

Why Therapy Feels Different

For many men, the idea of therapy triggers every instinct against asking for help. It involves:

Admitting something is wrong

Talking about feelings with a stranger

Paying someone to listen to your problems

Not having the answer yourself

Each of these can feel like a violation of the rules you've internalised about how men should handle things.

But consider what therapy actually is: a structured conversation with someone trained to help you understand and solve problems. You're not weak for seeing a doctor when you're physically injured. Therapy works the same way—it's a resource for addressing something that benefits from professional support.

Reframing Strength

True strength isn't the absence of struggle or the ability to handle everything alone. It's:

Recognising when something isn't working

Being honest about what you need

Taking action even when it's uncomfortable

Using available resources effectively

Asking for help with something difficult is harder than suffering in silence. It requires acknowledging reality and taking steps to change it. That's not weakness—it's a different kind of strength.

What Makes It Easier

Start small. You don't have to commit to long-term therapy. Many therapists offer a single consultation to see if it's right for you.

Choose the right fit. Finding a therapist who understands men's experiences matters. Not every approach works for everyone, and it's okay to be selective.

Reframe the purpose. Therapy isn't about wallowing in feelings. It's about developing practical skills to handle what you're dealing with and building capacity for the future.

Notice the contradiction. You'd probably encourage a friend or family member to get help if they were struggling. Why hold yourself to a different standard?

If you're curious about what therapy might look like, explore [how we work with men](/about) or learn about our [approach to men's mental health](/services).

The Path Forward

The rules you learned about handling things alone served a purpose once. They might have protected you, helped you survive, or earned you respect. But rules that helped in one context can become limitations in another.

You get to decide which rules still serve you—and which ones are worth questioning.

---

This article is informational only; not a substitute for professional advice. If you're in crisis, call 911, 9-8-8 (Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline), or visit your nearest emergency department.